For the past two years Leah's had a dirty little secret.  At first we thought it was just something that she liked to do and didn't really treat it as a big deal.  Until she started sneaking it all of the time and asking for it when it wasn't appropriate, and soon enough, we had a full blown obsession on our hands.

You see, our daughter Leah was addicted to her pacifier.

We started to get anxious about it.  People were telling us that it could affect her teeth.  Others were saying that her habit could go on for years...well into kindergarten.  We were told that getting rid of the pacifier was a days-long endeavor--the first night being a non-sleeping night for anyone in the house neighborhood.

I discussed the matter with our pediatrician who suggested collecting all of the pacifiers in the house and trading them in at Toys R Us for a neat-o toy.  I received offers to borrow children's books on the subject.  Our friend Renee offered up the idea of cutting the tips off of the passies, thereby making them "not work" as well.

So, last Saturday, I finally spoke with my friend Vanessa, who has a son Leah's age, and who successfully removed pacifiers from their life several months ago. She gave me the hard truth:  cold turkey was the way to go. 

And so it began.

Nap time started with an hour long scream fest, sans pacifier, before she settled and eventually went to sleep.  Same with bedtime.

And for pretty much the rest of the week and still going strong today, at designated sleeping times, it's been like we now are the proud owners of one of those gremlins that's eaten after midnight.  There is screaming, jumping, yelling, ripping of things off the wall, snakes wildly protruding from her head.  And it goes on for about an hour before she finally shuts her trap, lies down, and goes to sleep.

I'm not sure who's reading this, but for those who have never lived through a full-blown, hour-long tantrum, let me just say that ripping ones toe nails out with pliers might be a more enjoyable experience.

And, although the pacifiers still reside in the drain board next to the kitchen sink, where little eyes are sure to not see them, I can honestly tell you that Leah will never be sucking on one again.  I'm over those things, and I'm a happier person knowing that I'll never have to get on my hands and knees in the car, ass up to god, and do an under-the-seat swipe with my arm to try to find that little sucker, which is SURE to be 1) just out of reach, 2) covered in something sticky and hairy, and 3) cleaned by using a combination of my spit, my fingers, and my shirt.  

Pacifiers, you're not welcome here anymore. 

Totally still wants the pacifiers. 


Jennifer A. Esselman said...

Although I cannot speak to your woes, as neither I nor my daughter ever used a pacifier, I did though posses a thumb. I sucked my thumb until I was 9, yes 9! That is also the same time I started developing boobs, that however is an entirely different story. My Mom and Grandmother tried, to no avail to get me to stop sucking my thumb, but I kept on. They tried that awful nail polish you are supposed to use to stop biting your nails, that didn't work. They tried band aids, that didn't work. They tried using an ace bandage to secure my hand to my side, that didn't work. The fact was, I could go without it, BUT it was just a comfort thing. I can still remember how relaxing it was to have my forefinger hooked over my nose and breath in warm air that smelled like the soap I just washed my hands with (Irish Spring if I am remembering correctly. It took my brother to bet me that I couldn't go with out sucking my thumb for a week, that I finally decided to stop while making a few bucks in the process. I guess you have to figure out if Leah is addicted to the pacifier to pacify an oral fixation or is it something she needed to bring her comfort. If it is the latter, you may want to supstitute the pacifier with something else like perhaps a blanket......speaking of which I still have mine.....39 years later! :o)

Deenuts Dana said...


Too fuuny. Leah has 2 blankets and a snoopy. And I still have my blanket too. 33 years later.

Abbe said...

........that's only cause your Mom pleaded with your Dad after your little screaming session when he had to drive back to Madison Square Garden and try to locate "Miney" when it must have been dropped while pushing through the crowds exiting after taking their darlin' daughter to the circus.

It was finally retrieved out of a garbage can!

...and yes, my sister Pam gave "Miney" to your mother when you were born cause Seth loved the satin piece that lined his as well.


karastefa said...

Stick with it, it's worth not having to go through it all again! I heard this one recently and thought it was a pretty good one, for those who still have pacifiers in view - the guy planted them in the garden and in the morning lollipops had grown. For sippy cups, Santa took them and left fun plastic kid cups instead.

My brother threw my blankie in the garbage when I was four: "Blankies are for BABIES!" My mom fished it out and saved it, but I never asked for again.

Anonymous said...

a girl her age should not need a paci teach her to suck c--k, I will gladly give her mine in her mouth