Cousins

Our holiday weekend was low key, which, as I get older and more exhausted, is exactly how I prefer them.  On Monday, we went to an indoor BBQ at my dad's, due to the rain, and Leah got to play with two of her favorite people, Matthew and Bella.

Bella is getting so big--she's almost one--and I when I saw her and Leah playing this weekend I got a glimpse of what the future might be like when those two get together.

It included bail money.

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My Little Baby, No More

I purchased some bathing suits on sale for Leah for next year.  I bought a size 4T.  They might as well have come from that Justice store because they look enormous.  I can't imagine, that next summer, in 12 short months, Leah will be wearing those bathing suits.  They are just so damn big and I don't want her to fit into them.  I mourn for the baby she once was and attempt to remain optimistic for the girl she is turning into.



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Reminisce About The Days Of Old

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The Fairy Princess and The Wicked Witch

Lan and Baby Tai Yu came to visit over the weekend and, in addition to going to Costco and the parade and hanging in the back yard by the pool, we played a little dress up.

Leah and I got a kick out of this.  Baby Tai Yu--not so much.

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Eff the Recession

THE THIRD AND FINAL THIRD BIRTHDAY PARTY



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A Week of Firsts: L.P.

Leah started school today.  A little earlier than first planned, but since Greg's new job has regular 9-5 hours, we needed to put her in full time starting now, rather than in September. 

She did really well!  No crying, no accidents, and from what her teacher reported, she played well with other children.

Leah reported that Jacob hit a little baby after he got up from nap.

Wish us luck on Day Two!

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Reminiscing

I know that these may not be the most interesting posts out there, but I love looking through my old videos and seeing how much Leah's changed in such a short time.

Today,

she would have been 58.

she would have known her two granddaughters.

she would have been helping Adriana get ready for the purchase of her first home.

she would have witnessed Marco marry.

she would have been dancing to her heart's content.

she would have been able to prove to this girl how wonderful she was, rather than just have me tell her.

Today would have been a good day.

 
 
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Bella in the Cart

On Sunday Bella was very unhappy.  She didn't want to eat.  She didn't want to be played with.  Didn't like it when people talked to her.  Didn't want her pacifier.  We were running out of things to try, when suddenly, I had a genius idea.

I'll just put her in a play grocery cart.

Worked like a charm.

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Three Whole Years

Four months and seven days after the anniversary of my mother's death, which goes down as the worst day of my life, we celebrate Leah's birth, which goes down as the best day of my life.

In my 34 years of living on this planet, I have a few accomplishments.  But NOTHING makes me prouder than when I look at what Greg and I brought into this world on March 26, 2008.

Happy Birthday, Leah.  I've said it before, and I'll say it forever, you truly saved my life.

Now, go pick up your shoes and fortheloveofgod stop throwing your crayons.

Growing Up Gulino

I can't believe that it's been just about three years since Leah came into our lives.  Gone are the days of babyhood.  I look at her now and see such a smart beautiful little girl who is independent and inquisitive and precocious.

Everyday is so challenging, but so worth it.  Just like life.

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Fingers Crossed...Eyes Too

Today all of our good thoughts go out to our friend Lan, and her baby Tai Yu.

We can't wait until he comes to visit us again.

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Pop Pop And His Ladies

A little update on Baby Bella.

She's getting bigger everyday. 

She will be turning over any day now. 

She smiles and lols.

She "talks" to people.

She "loves" her cousin Leah.

If you want to imagine what Bella and Leah's relationship is like, just imagine Pepe Le Pew and his girlfriend.  It's like that.

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Like Mother...

Leah



Dana



Leah

Dana



Thanks for the pics, Stace.

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Testing One, Two, Three

Leah is known for testing my patience to the point that I have to leave the room sometimes and scream it out at the dog.  She'll ask for something, let's say, for me to rub her back at night, and then I'll say, okay, lie down, and then she'll just sit there staring at me.  NOT lying down.  So, I'll say, you have until the count of three to lie down or no back rub, and then she'll just sit there staring at me.  Not slowly lying down.  Not waiting until I get to three and throwing herself down.  Just not doing it.  So, I'll go to walk away, and then she'll scream I NEED MY BACK RUBBED!  MOMMY COME BACK!  BACK!   NOW!!!   BWAAHHHH  BOOOO OOOOHHHH WWAAAHHHH!!!!

Now, if you can understand what the hell she is trying to do other than bury me early then kudos to you.  Because I can't for the life of me figure out why she will ASK for something then purposely take the steps that keep her from getting it. 

And finally yesterday, it clicked.  Not what she's thinking, because honestly?  I think that at these times she was put on earth to get me back for every single thing I did to my parents growing up.  I will never fully understand my child.  She's incomprehensible and unbelievable.  Like the shelf life of a Twinkie.  And Sarah Palin. 

No, what clicked was how I was going to handle it.

Now, brace yourself, because I am about to let you in on some genius-speak.  From now on when Leah asks for something, like say a snack, and I ask her to sit down at the table to eat said snack, and then she gives me the Carol-Ann stare, I walk away.  That's it.  Snack's over.  So sorry.  Cab's are here.  Gotta go.

And that's it.  She hates it, blows a gasket, has a fit, but then eventually gets over it.  And me?  I don't hate it, blow gaskets, or have fits, and I'm over it before it's even begun.

Lately, we've been working on cause and effect.  You throw something, you get it taken away.  You want me to give you something, you ask in a big kid voice.  You want lotion, then you don't jump off your changing table.  You want to take a 30 minute shower, then you get your own apartment.  I'm tired of treating her like some special-rainbow-cuddle-bunny, when I suspect she's old enough to know that she's getting special treatment and taking advantage of me.  She's a human being and life isn't always barbies and ponies.  Believe me, for Leah, life is quite often barbies and ponies, but occasionally, it's not, and it's best she start realizing this early on.

Last night, there were some shenanigans when I announced bed time.  Honestly, I don't even remember exactly what it was.  But on the nights that Greg works late, there are usually shenanigans at bedtime.  I did that warn/threat thing, (If you don't stop jumping off your bed, you will not get your teeth medicine*) and I watched her proceed to jump off the bed.  Twice.  And I had it.  So, I took the teeth medicine, put it on a shelf where she could see it**, and her told that she wouldn't be getting any that night.  She should try harder and listen better and perhaps tomorrow would be a teeth medicine night. 

Which she did.  And it was.  However, tonight we had the back rubbing issue.  There's always an issue.  We'll try again tomorrow.

*It's Orajel.  And she's not teething.  But she got it into her head over a year ago that she needs teeth medicine nightly.  I don't fight it.  I choose my battles.

**I learned this from an old co-worker Jon, who told me that when his wife Janine needed to take something away from their daughter due to naughty behavior, she made sure that she put the toy in a spot where their daughter would be sure to see it and be reminded of naughty behavior/punishment.  I've never forgotten it.



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Baby Jessica

Leah received a doll for Christmas, whom she named Baby Jessica.  Jessica has a bottle, and when you put the bottle near (or, in Leah's case crammed in) her lips, her face moves as she "sucks" the bottle.  Her eyes also blink, and she makes this exaggerated sucking sound.  After she drinks for a few seconds (which at times feel like a few decades) she falls sleep (I guess, her eyes only close half-way) and then she snores for a minute or so.

Baby Jessica is interesting, to say the least, and it should surprise no one that Baby Jessica ran out of batteries two days ago.  Baby Jessica takes triple A batteries which no one keeps in the house because double A is the new triple A.  In order to avoid worldwide catastrophe, my friend Gabrielle handed me 5 triple As and when I place three of them in Baby Jessica's back last night, Baby Jessica did not start her loud and freaky eating routine.  Baby Jessica appeared to be broken.

So, off I went to Target today (twice) and ran through the aisles in search of a new Baby Jessica.  Of the five Baby Jessica's I found, the only one that worked had brown eyes, and Leah's BJ had blue, so that wouldn't do.  I took a blue-eyed BJ off the shelf, hoped it was just her batteries that were dead, and exchanged broken BJ for maybe-broken-maybe-just-in-need-of-batteries BJ and headed home.  As I was leaving Guest Services I heard the cashier say, "Throw this one in the garbage; she's dead."  I assume she was speaking of Baby Jessica, Part One.

Upon arriving home later on that night, I placed the new batteries in Baby Jessica, Part Two, and...nothing.  Being the quick thinker that I am, I ran around the house looking for something, anything, that had triple As and finally found a few in my PTouch.  And, of course, when I placed the batteries in BJ, she worked.  Which means that all five batteries that Gabrielle gave me were dead, I went to Target (twice) for no reason, and poor Baby Jessica Part One was thrown away for no reason whatsoever.

After watching Toy Story 3 678 times this past weekend, I am a little sad for Baby Jessica Part One.  And, a little sad for me, who can currently hear Baby Jessica Part Two's familiar (translated: annoying) bottle sucking coming from the baby monitor. 

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The Life I Signed Up For

If my mother had died before I was pregnant, I probably wouldn't have had a child.  I wanted a baby, and my mother was going to help me raise it.  Package deal.

If my mother hadn't died, Greg and I would have probably taken several weekend trips by now, and maybe even one that lasted five days.  Instead of no weekend trips, and nothing close to five days.  I don't trust anyone to watch Leah; there's nothing like the trust you have in your mom.   We would have been able to do more things with each other, without Leah.  Maybe go out to eat more...Christmas shop together...take more trips into NYC.

If my mother was still alive, I probably would have had more children by now.  She would have been my house every day in the summer, when she wasn't working, and probably would have used up more of her sick and personal days to spend time with her grandchildren.  My nights wouldn't have been parenting solo while Greg worked, and my weekends would not have been attempting to run an errand with a toddler and feeling like I got nothing accomplished.

There would have been more gifts and treats and a lot more spoiling.  My children would have run to her when they saw her, got excited when she arrived, and threw fits when she left.  They might have even liked spending time with her more than with me.

I never would have been stuck with no sitter.  Never would have had to say no to something that I wanted to do because I felt guilty leaving Leah.  Never would have felt that all-too-familiar hesitation when I dial a number to request some babysitting. 

I never wanted to be a mother if I didn't have my mother with me.  I never would have entered into what is the most difficult job I've ever held without her.  Never would have created this situation while living 40 minutes away from my closest family, with only one parent who's my dad, while my in-laws live several states away.

And I would have never written this post.

If I seem different to you, uncomfortable, unhappy, and unsettled, you must forgive me.  I'm not living the life I signed up for.



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Big Girl, Sad Mommy

We moved Leah to a twin bed on Friday night, and she's been doing great.  She whines a bit before nap and bed time, but she doesn't get out of the bed, which is my only rule--I don't mind if she doesn't lie down immediately, or even if she wants to read a book, just no getting out of bed--and we are so proud of her.

But, on the flip side, I'm so sad!  Being in the crib was one of her last ties to being a toddler, and now that there's a bed in its place, I'm being forced to realize that I have a little girl--not a baby--anymore! 

She will still occasionally snuggle with me, if I pretend that I'm a big monster eating her, so I can still treat her like she's a little baby who likes to cuddle.

Leah still wears diapers.

There.  I said it.

Potty training is pretty non-existant.

I could beat myself up and say that if I was a stay-at-home-mom I would have potty trained her by now, but I'm not going to do that.  Kids whose parents work eventually stop wearing diapers! 

I'm ok with her not being trained; some people complain about how much they hate it, but it doesn't bother me that much.  I don't have to keep a potty in the car for emergencies; I don't have to find the restroom in every single facility we visit; I don't mind the cost of diapers.  (Because I sleep on a bed of dollar bills.  No, really because they're not that expensive.)

We've always raised Leah by following her lead on what she needs.  By stepping back and paying attention, I've been able to figure out what she's saying, thinking, feeling. 

I bought her a potty before she turned one, because I thought that I could coax her into training early.  But, I should have known better.  She'll do it when she's ready.  

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Where It's At

We've got a lot of anatomic talk these days.  Lots of "penis", "gina" and "butt" and who's got what and who doesn't have what.  There's a bunch of "I see you naked!" and there's the self-taught "butt dance."

There's music requests: Soul Sister, Like a G6, and Muffin Man are most frequently asked for.  She dances in slow motion during the slow parts on Dog Days are Over and then speeds it up on the fast parts.

There's a lot of blowing drying hair, and applying lip gloss, and "I need eye shadow" and "Let me go do my hair before we leave."  There are attempts to put hair ties and barrettes in.  There's a lot of hair brushing.

There are requests for showers, not baths.  There are requests for the blue shirt and the crocs, NOT that purple dress!  No, the blue one.  And maybe with the rain boots.  Definitely not the winter coat!  But, perhaps the vest.  NOT that vest, god, mom.

Oh, yes, there's a lot of MOM.  Not Mommy, but MOM.  But, there's also "What's that, Mama?"  And when she wakes up in the morning, it's always "Mommy." 

"Oh my goodness!" never gets old.  And "yes please" when the answer only needs to be yes.  

~Leah, are you in your bedroom?
~Yes, please.

~Leah, do you think I should wear my black flats with these jeans?
~Yes, please.

There's drama.  ALWAYS so much drama.  Everything is so cool! Or so sad! Or so nice! Everything is such a big deal!

There's a lot going on.  Lots of changes.  Lots of baby, but lots of big girl.  Lots and lots of big girl.

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