Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

To date, I am down 20.4 lbs.  I've been following Weight Watchers for three months now.  For the most part, I do all right  on most days, but there are moments that I'm not proud of, that involve nuts, tostitos, and white cheddar popcorn.  I'm only human.

My only form of exercise is running, which I do about two times a week.  I'd like to get up to three times weekly, but both mine and Greg's schedules don't permit that.  Getting outside to run twice a week and also having night to attend my Weight Watchers meeting is all the work-free, kid-free time I get, and I'm grateful for it.  It could be worse.  I have contemplated buying a jogging stroller and taking Leah with me on runs.  Since stopping every thirty seconds to answer a question that begins with the word Why is not ideal when jogging, I really don't want to do this. 

For every really good week of weight loss, there are usually one to two poor weeks that follow.  For a while I teetered in between a 16-19 lb. loss until I finally had a come to Jesus talk with myself and broke through to 20.  Weight Watchers is all about small goals, and since my first small goal was a 20 lb loss, I have to now set my next goal.

We are going on vacation in a month so I'm thinking another 5 lbs by then would be nice...but I am also thinking about how there are oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in the cupboard, so, maybe I'll compromise with a 3 lb. goal.

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Run, Dana, Run

I am having such a hard time exercising.  Or, I should say, finding time to exercise.  It seems like the day just contains too many other priorities, and when I finally stop for the day it's too late to go for a run. 

I've taken another employment position and I'll talk about that at some point soon, but I am hoping that with this new position, some more free time becomes available to me.  I have to convince myself, however, that this free time is permitted to be spent on me, and my life goals, rather than using it to spend more time with Leah or Greg.  I have to give myself the okay to spend some time alone doing something positive for me. 

Quick Update

~Greg got a new job.  His last day at his old job was Sunday, and he took this week off to do yard work in preparation for Leah's birthday party next week.  It's rained every single day.  No yard work has gotten done.

~Leah starts her new school on Monday (provided that I actually sign her up for school.  What?  I'm busy!)  While I am excited for her to be in an honest to goodness school, I want to cry because we are sending her to an honest to goodness school.  With big kids and teachers and lessons and stuff.  She's only a little (3 year old, sassy, smartpants, fiesty) baby!

~Leah third and final birthday party for this year is on the 29th.  There is a LOT to do and not a LOT of time.  I will be freaking out from now until then.  Probably a lot on this blog.

~I joined Weight Watchers.  My sweaters were tight, my rings were tight, my shoes were tight.  Something had to give and it wasn't going to be my pants. 

~I'm going to miss wine.  It's no fun if I have to account for it and stuff.


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Running On Empty

By Thursday, I'm pretty much running on fumes.  I'm exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get.  I am rushing to get everything done at work before the weekend.  (Seriously, "end of week reports" are lame and whoever thought it would make sense to make people complete them is stupid.)  I am looking forward to the weekend, but not always looking forward to the many outings and events I have planned.  I am losing my last nerve with my daughter, yes--sweet, innocent Leah, since at this point, I haven't seen Greg since Monday, due our ridic work schedules. So, suffice to say, by Thursday I'm not my usual cheery, fresh faced self and could probably use a glass of wine.  And a facial.  And some botox.  Perhaps a Xanax.

But, I'll tell you who never gets tired.  Who is never on top of her game.  Who is always go go go, and knows that slowing down is for the weak and believes that she'll rest when she's dead!  The world is her oyster and her city never sleeps, because PLAY WITH ME, PLAY WITH ME, LET'S GO OUTSIDE, I NEED LEGOS, HERE YOU PUT THESE POTATO HEAD GLASSES ON, I NEED A SNACK, I NEED JUICE, WHY ARE YOU SITTING, GET UP, GET GOING, GET TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) Hope the title of this entry didn't make you think that I was running again.  I will be, but just not yet.
2) Sorry for all the black and white photos of late; Greg got a new phone and he's attempting to be artistic with his photography.



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Back to the Grind

Hello!  We are back from our vacation!

And I started a new job today! 

Things are very hectic, as you can imagine.  Stay tuned for an update when I can dig myself out of the laundry pile.

Growing Up Gulino

I can't believe that it's been just about three years since Leah came into our lives.  Gone are the days of babyhood.  I look at her now and see such a smart beautiful little girl who is independent and inquisitive and precocious.

Everyday is so challenging, but so worth it.  Just like life.

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So, I didn't mean to take a break from the blog; it just happened.  But, you didn't miss much. 

Let's bullet it, shall we?

1) On Sunday, I went into NYC with some girlfriends and saw Promises, Promises.  It was, meh.  It stars Sean Hayes and Kristen Chenoweth and Molly Shannon has a bit part, too.  I didn't hate it, but I feel that it might have been a little, er, overrated, perhaps.  I don't think it had a substantial plot, the music was not enjoyable, and I feel the show is leaning on its two main actors and their reputation, rather than content.  If Sean and Kristen left Broadway tomorrow, so would Promises, Promises.  That's how I feel.

2) Christmas is very near, and I am still lacking a few gifts.  It's not that I don't know what to purchase, I just don't have a lot of time.  I need a half a day, at most, to finish shopping and wrapping, and I'll feel a lot better.

3) My Christmas cards may not be reaching my house until December 23rd and in that case, they are probably not going to get to your house until after Christmas.  We all just have to deal with this.

4) I bought a 10-day pass to the Sparta Athletic Club where I will be taking zumba on Wednesday nights with my friend Gabrielle.  The class is hard; the instructor is easy on the eyes.  This will help.

5) Leah now sleeps in a twin bed like a pro.  No issues, no problems.  I did expect this, but it's still hard to deal when the fact that she is no longer a baby is thrown in my face.  She likes to talk on the phone with people; she enjoys rolling up her sleeves and washing dishes; she tells me when I do things wrong.  (Aw, just like her dad.)  She's a full blown kid.  Oh, and she's sort of a big deal.  She told me.  

That's really all I've got.  I'll try to not take any more extended breaks.  I like writing here.  I just also like sleeping and eating. 

Duh to the eating one--I'm sure that's evidently clear.
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Big Girl, Sad Mommy

We moved Leah to a twin bed on Friday night, and she's been doing great.  She whines a bit before nap and bed time, but she doesn't get out of the bed, which is my only rule--I don't mind if she doesn't lie down immediately, or even if she wants to read a book, just no getting out of bed--and we are so proud of her.

But, on the flip side, I'm so sad!  Being in the crib was one of her last ties to being a toddler, and now that there's a bed in its place, I'm being forced to realize that I have a little girl--not a baby--anymore! 

She will still occasionally snuggle with me, if I pretend that I'm a big monster eating her, so I can still treat her like she's a little baby who likes to cuddle.

Busy Times

It's been a crazy time around here lately.  We've all be running around trying to get through the day, get ready for the holidays, and not go nuts.   We don't always succeed.  Especially with the nuts. 

Here's a pic to hold you over.  I don't know why she's so serious about nail drying, but, I guess it's a big deal.  Beauty is so important and all.

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My Number's Up

Over the past few weeks, I've won two raffles that I've entered and two tricky tray prizes.  This is very unlike me.  I usually have no luck whatsoever.  I never win anything.

Lately I've been having a tough time with life, in general.  Work is stressing me out; there's never enough time in the day; I don't get done even half of the things that I want to do.  I feel like I am running after a train that's going a little too fast for me to catch it, but I can't just give up and find another way to travel.  I'm stuck in this station, and I'm missing my damn train.  Over and over.

But, these four silly things that I've won have given me some hope.  Maybe it's a sign that good things are coming.  Maybe it's a sign to not give up.

I'm not big on signs.  I don't believe those people who say things like my dead mom gave me a sign that she was watching over me when the picture fell off the wall and landed on my head! mainly for two reasons.  One, I just don't believe that the dead can send the living signs.  But more importantly, if they can, then that means that my mom knows she's dead and she is aware that she's not here.  She's seen me struggle over the past three years.  She's experienced every tear that I've shed.  She's watched me miss her.  And if that's the case, then she's probably struggling, crying, and experiencing at the same time.  And I don't want her to.  I would never want her to know what she's missing. 

There is a good aspect about dying suddenly, rather than being sick for a while before passing.  When you suddenly die, you don't know what you're going to miss, or that you're going to miss anything, actually.  You don't know what you're never going to see again.  You don't know how everyone will get to go on living together, while you won't.  And most importantly, you don't feel the guilt that you might feel knowing that family and friends are going to mourn you for months, years, decades maybe.  When you just up and die one day, you don't even know what just happened.  That's sort of a good thing.  I guess?

The 19th is a tough day. It's hard for me, my family, and my mom's friends.  I don't know if I'll be able to adequately show what the day means to me because I'm not sure how I'll feel on it.  I just hope that my luck continues.  That my number keeps getting called.  That I never give up hope. 

A Metaphor

I spend a lot of time cleaning Leah's play room.  I organize all of her toys--and there are lots of them--making sure that her sushi set contains all of its parts, and her doctor kit is not missing a wayward bandaid.  I gather all of the baby bottles and collect them in one bin, and I make sure that her crayons are not broken and that their wrappers are not peeling.  I arrange all of the dolls so that each has a diaper and clothes on and is placed in a stroller, high chair, or bed.  I spray the white board and wipe it clean and I make sure I remove all of the chalk remnants from the chalk board.

I spend a lot of time cleaning up messes in Leah's play room, but not a lot of time making them.  I want to make messes with her; I need to make messes with her.  I just don't have the time.  Or sometimes, I'm just too tired to make messes.  I am letting those messes happen without me taking part in creating them and I am having a hard time dealing with it.

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A Typical Saturday

For us, a typical Saturday could start with some dance lessons...

However, a typical Saturday from now on will most definitely NOT include dance lessons, as I have finally come to terms with the fact that Leah is not ready to attend dance class without Mommy in the room, which, at the dance school, is not really permitted.  Explain to me how she's all this club can't even handle me with the dance moves and the boogying and the singing, but ONLY  if I'm standing in the room and ONLY while she's standing next to me?  I mean, I am just going to wait in the lobby with the rest of the Moms and I will see you in 45 minutes!  But no.  One teensy move by me towards the door and she is screaming, crying, throwing herself on the floor. Honestly, though, it's not worth it.  Neither one of us is enjoying ourselves.  So, we are say la vieing Perfect Pointe. This of course hurts in a big way, because dance was such a huge part of my childhood, but there is no rule that says that dance lessons can't happen at home in the living room while wearing pajamas.  With coffee.  

The coffee's for me.   You knew that, right? 

Afterwards, we might venture on over to New Hyde Park, to visit our friend Lan at LIJ Hospital who just had a baby boy!  He is so stinkin' cute.  We cannot wait to go back and visit him again.  We love him!

And after that, it might be back to Sparta to attend a birthday party for our friend Andy who turned 7.  Let me ask you something: if the party goes from 4-7 p.m. and you arrive at 8 p.m, is that bad?  No, right?

Thank the lord there were cheese balls!

And then it could be time to get ready for bed.  We promote healthy dental hygiene in our house.

And, if all of those things happened, a typical Saturday night might end in front of the fire under a snuggy.  Hopefully with some vino.

Ok, a lot of vino.

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Some Hypotheticals...

Some of us wake up at ye ole' butt crack and get dressed in the dark so as not to wake up our husbands.  What we really don't need is for our new shirt to have, not only a tag, but a sticker, an XL sticker, that isn't noticed until 9 hours later in our work bathroom mirror.  Oh, gee, has this enormous extra-large sticker been on my back all day?  Wow.  Thanks, Kohls. 

Some people think that, because they want peanut butter on their cracker immediately-right-this-minute-not-a-minute-later, it's totally acceptable to scream at their mom in her face and expect that cracker, with peanut butter-don't-you-dare-forget-that-lady, post haste.  Those people would be wrong.  Very, very wrong.  Those people also find themselves in bed a half hour early.

Some husbands think that, after spending their day off tending to their daughter, retreating to the couch the second their wife gets home from work and not moving from that position for the rest of the night, thereby leaving their wife to clean up dinner, the house, and the kid alone, after she left the house 11 hours previously to go and work all day at her job, is going to be received well.  The husbands that do that don't get lucky...not that it matters, since they've been sleeping on the couch since 6:30 p.m. anyway. 

Some women cannot get into their heads that they are only one person and find themselves overbooking their weekends to the point that bathroom breaks are going to be a tight squeeze.  I have to sit down and write out a game plan for tomorrow in order to fit in everything that I need to do.  I never learn.   Luckily I don't have to put out tonight.

Have a good one, folks.  Cheers!
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The Lunch Box

Why does an hour while at work creep by, yet the lunch hour passes in approximately 9 1/2 minutes?

Now that I have an actual lunch hour, wherein I leave the office at a certain time and then don't return to the office for one whole hour, I am trying to get some errands done during that time.

I work in an area that has everything--malls, shopping centers, grocery stores, restaurants, banks, gas stations--so I try to take advantage of "adult-only errands" during that time.

You know what those are: the types of errands that require one to get in and out of a vehicle fast, get in and out of a store fast, and move on to the next store.  Fast.

And, NOTHING can be done with a child fast.  Oh, except take a perfectly neat and clean room and make it look like a Fisher Price-themed, Little People-sponsored, Crayola-funded, primary colored bomb hit it. THAT always happens at mach speed.

The only problem with my master plan is that by the time I get to a store, I have to turn around and come back.  It's like the clock ticks a little faster from 12-1 p.m.  What gives?

Anyway, if you're in the Totowa/Little Falls/West Paterson/Wayne area around lunch time, and you see a woman with a cloud of smoke behind her zoom by, sweat dripping from her brow, words about time going too fast for her to return pants to Kohls AND stop for diapers, just ignore her.

I don't have time to stop and say hi anyway.  Sorry.
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Update!

Dance Class

We were asked to attend another class this past Saturday, one with three year olds in it.  FIVE three year olds.  So, we gathered our leg warmers (despite it being approximately 80 degrees at 9:30 a.m. on Saturday--what can I say?  I am raising a fellow Slave To Fashion.) and we arrived ...

...to a class with one other two and a half year old who was there for the first time. ONE!  Class didn't go well.  The other little girl (who was such a trooper, I must mention) could not hold Leah's attention, and two minutes after class began, Leah was at the door banging to get out. 

We are told there's one more "actively-attended" class that we are going to try next week.  If that doesn't work out, ART CLASS it is.


Running

Blech.  I don't want to talk about it.  I've been sick and busy, so my running has suffered. And so has my butt.


Health

We are a sick household.  I've got a cold that will not die and now Greg and Leah are under the weather, too.  I may not be coming across as my normal, cheery self in this post, and this is why .  Today I had to be cleared by Pathmark security due to amount of NyQuil-related products I was purchasing. 

Greg's Birthday

Greg turned 35 on the 24th and we had dinner out together.  Alone.  By ourselves.  Sans kid.  Which was really friggen nice.  Thanks, Gab!


Fall

...is upon us!  As soon as stops being so darn hot!  I love the Fall: my birthday, apple and pumpkin picking, sweaters, Halloween!  I'm also excited for it to stop sweating under my boobies.

I'm sorry...was that too much information?
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Big Girl

My little baby is no longer a little baby. 

She doesn't want to cuddle, doesn't want to sit on my lap, doesn't want kisses.  In fact, today when I picked her up at daycare, she didn't want me!  She actually wanted to stay longer at daycare to continue playing.  That sort of broke my heart.  

So, I've created a new game.  I call it "Playing Baby."  Leah's into pretend play these days, so I tell her that we're going to pretend she's a little baby.  She runs and gets a baby bottle and some blankets, I wrap her up, and then pretend to give her a bottle.  She pretends to sleep, then pretends to wake up and cry, and then I pretend to rock her back to sleep.

It's all a ruse to get her to lie in my arms and cuddle.  She gets to play and I get my cuddle-fix.  Please don't tell her of my ulterior motives.  Thanks. 

Here is my big girl practicing her twirling in my sandals. 

Dance class starts on Saturday, so she's been practicing. 

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Getting Back on Track-Running Update

While in Myrtle Beach, I ran once. The heat was unbearable, as Myrtle Beach is closer to hell, er, I mean the equator, and I just couldn’t find a time when I could step outside and not instantly start melting. Just from standing in place. So, I didn’t run…although I felt incredibly guilty about the whole thing.

The one night that I did run was rough.  I couldn't complete the run, and ended up walking a lot more than I normally do.  Also, while drivers in Sparta aren't always happy that they have to share the road with a runner, they don't want me dead.  Drivers in Myrtle Beach seemed downright angry about the fact that someone was running on the side of their road and therefore that person needed some schoolin' 'bout how things are done in the South.  I almost had to jump in a nearby pond when I swear I saw a woman swerve towards me as she passed.  She may have been smiling.

So, I gave up the endeavor and surrendered to the Land O'Hush Puppy and vowed that I'd resume my running program when I returned home.  Only I wasn't expecting it to get dark so early these days, and, at the risk of sounding like a broken record--the heat, mylanta, the heat--and therefore, here we are on Friday, four days after I've returned from vacation, and I've only run once. 

I'm not giving up on the running.  I'd be too proud to have to admit to you that I failed.  Plus, I enjoy running.  I especially enjoy talking about running.  But, I'm just in a rut.  I've had some very. big. things. happening in my life, things that I will be bringing up soon, and running just hasn't been a priority.  But, I still have 3 sections of my program to complete, and the Turkey Trot is looming closer, and I think that I need just one ideal run to whip me back into shape.  You know, just one run that's perfect: perfect weather, perfect time of day, perfect level of motivation, perfect amount of sleep the night before.  I need a run that I enjoy immensely to remind me why I like doing this and why I want to keep it up.

I'm hoping to complete that run this weekend.  So, wish me luck.

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And Scene

We are back!  From eight days in Myrtle Beach!  And you can imagine my house.  There are suitcases and clothes and souvenirs and sand and flip flops and World Market gummi snacks all over the place.

There are kisses for cats and rubs for dogs and screams from the joy of finding out that ALL OF MY TOYS ARE STILL HERE I FORGOT ABOUT THEM AND I LOVE THEM AND I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH BY THROWING THEM ALL OVER THE PLACE!

There are groans of having to clean all of the laundry and go to bed early and set the alarm and making lunches and once again joining the other ants as they march.

Tomorrow is a big day, so, I leave you with a picture of how we, as a family, collectively feel.

See ya soon with many updates and many pictures and many pounds to prove just how much fun we had.

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Life, in list form

1) We are moving right along w/r/t potty training. Over the weekend we had a couple of very good days, so underpants were purchased. And then Tuesday was not a good day, and so now three pairs of Tinkerbell underpants are sadly sitting on top of the laundry pile. We are firmly in that “must have diapers, pull ups, underpants, wipes, and toilet paper ready at every given moment stage.” This is not really a fun stage, huh?

2) We are gearing up for a trip to Myrtle Beach. Greg’s parents live there so we're going for a visit. Traveling makes me nervous to begin with, and traveling with a toddler makes me psychopathic. Even though we are not vacationing in the Congo, I have this feeling that if I forget to pack something very important there is no way we will be able to get it once we are at our destination. Which is bananas, I know, but I can’t help it. As a result I have made 14 lists of things that I need to bring. My lists of necessary items take up more room than said items.

3) Someone needs to tell my face that it’s not perched upon the neck of a 14 year old. Adult acne, like potty training, is not a fun stage.

4) I have two weddings to attend this weekend. Which means that I will be spending more time in Spanx than I really prefer to. This also means that at some point I must get thee to a pedicurist.

5) I don't know what happened to the layout on the blog.  Apparently, it's disappeared.  Seeing as it took me approximately 3 months to get the former layout on the blog, I don't think that you should hold your breath that I'll be able to get a new one on here post haste.  Hope you like green.
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Hello, Mile 3

Well. That sucked.




I was concerned that my jog was only taking me about 2.25-2.5 miles.



I am impatient.



I am slightly OCD.



Of course, I think I know more than Todd, the creator of my running program.



Therefore, I decided to take things into my own hands.



Last night, I jogged my normal “walk 2, jog 2” interval until I completed 3 miles. I had to prove to myself that I could do it.



It took 44 minutes. Which means that, at this rate, at the Thanksgiving Turkey Trot 5K that I plan on running, elderly, handicapped and infants will have completed the race and will mostly likely have showered and will be napping by the time I get to the finish line. People will be sweeping the streets and Christmas decorations will be going up on street lights.



So, I guess I need to work on my time a bit.



Today my legs are jello. And the ball of my left foot hurts. I’m exhausted. And starving. (The starving thing is really nothing new, though.)



Slow but steady, right?
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