Yesterday, April 8, 2010, my title changed. 

It was two years in the making.

I went from Mama to MOMMY. 

I work long hours and I have a fairly long commute.  Now that the nice weather is here and Leah is occasionally allowed to stay up later at night, it's becoming more common for me to leave the house in the morning before she wakes up.  By the time I pick her up from daycare after work and we get home, I only have a couple of hours to feed her dinner and give her a bath before it's time for bed. 

Last night was a rough night.  We arrived home from daycare and she refused to walk inside the house.  Then she refused to take off her clothes and sit on the potty.  She refused to get in the bath tub.  She refused to let me wash her hair, put on a diaper, get into her pajamas, etc. etc. etc.

It's nights like this that make me question my decisions.  Greg and I made the decision years ago that we would buy a home and live a lifestyle that would need two incomes to afford.  We wanted to live in an area that was good to raise a family.  We wanted to live in a home that was sized for a growing family.  We wanted two vehicles, a pool, basic necessities. 

Oh, and DVR.  Life without DVR is not a life worth living.  IMHO.

So, here we are.  Raising our daughter in the place we want to be.  But, her behavior last night made me question all of that.  Was she reacting to not seeing me much all week?  Was she crying out for attention?  Are nights and weekends not enough time?  Should I be there more?  Is it time to re-evaluate what we thought was the right decision?

And then she looked at me, and she called me Mommy.  Over and over.  For the rest of the night.

And I realized that the demon behavior was a fluke.  A phase.  It wasn't because she hated me, or resented me.  I was in a bad mood from working all day, and she was probably in a bad mood from uh, playing all day.  (Tough life you got there, kid.) 

I like my life.  It's not extravagant or indulgent.  It's normal.  It's got its ups and downs, but it's our life and we live it and we love it.  And if it means that I have to go to work early every morning, and I have to come home to chaos at night, and there are some days where I can't find my glasses, have no idea if I am wearing underwear, and my phone dies in the middle of the day--it's ok.  It's all ok.

Because my baby calls me MOMMY. 

Just chilling in front of my vanity.  Got that, MOMMY?


Anonymous said...

You make me smile, D :)

Andrea Clayton said...

Isn't it great!? We go throught the same questions over our decisions. Her behavior is normal. Just the terrible two's that will turn into the terrible three's. Four year old behavior shows there is a light at the end.