Running Update: Highly Motivated, Slightly Able

Can I just tell you that I think about running non-stop? I mean, all.the.time. I flat out refuse to listen to music that’s not intense, fast, and motivating. I think about how my goal of running a 5K on Thanksgiving is lofty, but I am driven to do it. I imagine how nervous I’ll be before the race, and pray that my body’s usual way of dealing with anxiety--a certain bodily function I’ll leave up to your imagination--will not make an appearance. I dream about how proud I’ll be if I can keep up with Adriana and Gabrielle. I think about if anyone I know will come out to cheer me on. I wonder if I’ll cry when I see Leah at the finish line with Greg--actually, I wonder if I’ll see the finish line at all. I wonder if I’ll be able to jog the entire thing, and I pray that I won’t completely lose it if I have to bring it down to a walk at any point.

I’m putting so much on this goal--so much more than just being able to say I’ve completed a 5K.

This is something that I’ve never done and never thought I could do. This is something that my mother would never have expected from me. (I come from a long line of shoppers, not runners.) This represents a lifestyle that doesn’t include weight problems, health issues, heart conditions, mobility limitations, and weight loss surgeries. This represents life. A long life with my husband, child, dad, siblings, friends, future children, grandchildren family.

Now, if I can just stay focused and not think about how soon I will be training in 90 degree heat, I will do fine. I’ve completed week two of the running program I am doing, and today I will begin week three. I’m on a slightly slower track than the program suggests, but I have the extra time and I feel that I am benefiting from completing an extra workout before moving onto the next stage.

I’m not the most attractive runner on the track, if you know what I mean. I’ve never actually seen myself run, but I can only imagine I look tragic. I don’t have great form, or any form, really. I have to keeping reminding myself to land heel-toe, heel-toe with each step. I’m usually preoccupied with my pants and whether they are staying up, and my shirt, and whether it’s staying down.

But, you know what? I’m running. That’s what.


Janine said...

Wishing you the best of luck in your training! You'll be so happy no matter the outcome, as long as you allow yourself to be! I'm running my first 5k this Sunday! I've set some goals for myself, going to be easy on myself -- I've come too far not to be. My first and most important goal - to cross the finish line with a smile on my face, holding Margot's hand as she runs the final steps with me. As you said...it's what it's all about...Life. You gotta live it to be in it!

Anonymous said...

Just imagine there's a huuuuuge sale for people named Dana at the finish line. =].