News

I got some news tonight, and I'm not ready to share it just yet, but it's something that would have made my mom really happy.  I had a hard time hearing the news, because my mom is not here to hear it, and I keep going through this bi-polar craze where I am happy for the news one minute and then devastated because my mom's not here to share it the next. 

I have a feeling that this is how good news is going to feel for a long time.  Or at least for a while.  Until it no longer feels this way.  Which I wish would come soon, but then that means that I am somehow forgetting my mom, and I don't want that to happen...so I'm thankful that good news makes me sad?  But that doesn't sound right.  So, clearly I'm confused.

If I am lucky to live to be 62, then I will have not had my mom in my life for as long as I did have her.  My sister has to only live to be 50 for that to occur for her. 

Today is emotional day.  1) The news, 2) Two years ago today my contractions began (more on that tomorrow) and 3) There are days where I don't do well.  I'm just gonna lay my cards on the table and be honest with you all.  There are days where I think about my mom, myself, my life, my job, my home, my everything, and the bad seems to outweigh the good. 

Even when I hear good news.
.
.
.
.
.