Letter Time!

Dear Horizon-

A $70 per month increase on my toddler's health insurance?  Really?  Does this sound like a normal annual increase amount?  TWENTY PERCENT?  Are you sure?  Our waste removal fee went up $5 one year and every senior citizen in Sparta picketed for months outside the post office.  Can you imagine if the increase was $70?  I now need a Xanax every time I open the bill.  MY health insurance is going to go up because of your greedy little ways.  I hope you're happy.

Dear Salerno-Duane Auto Plaza of Newton-

I swear to Hay-Zeus, thinking of you makes my blood boil.  I bought a car from you.  I took it home on the same day I visited just to test drive.  I played your negotiation games.  I agreed to your payment terms.  But when I brought my car in to have leather installed on the seats at 10 a.m. and returned at 8 p.m. to find 1) leather, 2) an empty tank, and 3) 300 miles on the odometer that weren't there that morning, I expected at the very least a SORRY.  Or a HOW CAN I MAKE THAT UP TO YOU?   But what I got was insulting, rude, wrong, and full of BS.  I will be coming to get my license plates soon.  If your attitude hasn't changed by then, I'll be bringing my two year old.  Don't know what that means?  Call the guys over at the Audi dealership and ask them how fun it was when we brought Leah to that visit.  Hope you like your showroom cars "jellied."

Dear JCP&L-

WHY DOES IT COST SO MUCH TO PUT LIGHTS ON??!!!  My god, what the hell, is electricity made of gold?????  Due to your exorbitant rates, I now scream at Greg for leaving things plugged in!  I yell when he leaves the TV on to go to the bathroom!  I wait by Leah's door for her to fall asleep so I can turn off the focacca light she mandates be left on in order to fall asleep at night.  I am a stingy, electric-saving scrooge!  You are turning me into my father!

Dear Wachovia-

I am happy that you got bought out by Wells Fargo.  I am NOT sad to see you go, I WILL help you pack, and I hope the door doesn't hit you on the way out.  It's been several years of horrible service, mistakes on your part that you blamed me for, and a really stupid name.  Good riddance!

**It was bill-paying night.  In case you couldn't tell.  Have a good one!



Anonymous said...

same how i becaming less <>..........

Anonymous said...

SAME HOW I BECAME LESS <>...........

Anonymous said...

same how i became less ..THAT CHEAP GUY....
signed.....your father..