Gabrielle has been pushing for me to set some resolutions and I haven't really given much thought to them. They don't normally last that long--never through the whole year--and what's the point of making resolutions if you're only going to drop them the minute your period comes and you need a piece of cheesecake immediately? Or, you have a bad day, open a bottle of wine, invite some friends over, and wake up the next morning with more empty bottles than people?
Hmm? What you say? Only me? Oh, then let's carry on.
I could very easily sit here and list double digits of specific things that I hope to change or accomplish this year, but I'd rather just look at the big picture. Rather make some vague large sweeps on what I hope happens this year, so that when we are looking back on this list in December I can persuade you all that what I did is what I meant to do and that I'm not a complete Resolution Failure.
Here we go.
1) Stay active. Not necessarily through running, although I hope that I pick up running again soon. I want to move, in as many different ways as I can. I never want to be still, stale, immobile. And I don't just want my weekend's activities to consist of cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, and going up and down the steps 56 times to do laundry. So, this year I will be trying out cross country skiing, continuing with running and zumba, and throwing in some reformer pilates, or, as I like to call it, refinance pilates, because it's a leetle costly. I'd like to find one more activity, and I have twelve months to do it, so that shouldn't be too tough.
2) Keep focus. No matter what the issue is, or what goal I need to achieve, or what I what to accomplish, I need to remember to focus on the endgame and move towards it. Not get distracted along the way by trivial things. Not let the bright lights veer me from my path. I've often felt that I have a smidge of ADD because it takes me so long to finish a task because I get sidetracked so easily and so often. I need to remember to do one thing at a time, and to not get frustrated if it takes me a long time, as long as I don't abandon my goal along the way.
3) Keep on keeping on. I am okay with me. I am happy with who I am and where I'm at. I have bad days and I have good days. I have moments that I'm not proud of and those that I want to post in the paper. I see myself dealing with my mother's death so well on some days, and I see myself still feeling like she died yesterday at times. Things that used to make so sad no longer have that affect on me, and then there are times when I realize that my mother has never met Leah and never will and it stops me dead in my track. But, I still wake up everyday and get out of bed and take a shower (er, on weekdays, at least) and kiss my kid, and go to work, and make a living, and drive home in traffic and eat dinner with my family and watch Despicable Me 45 times and give my kid a shower and help her brush her teeth and watch The Closer with my husband and go to bed and do it all over again the next day. I'm me and I like me and I'm dealing with life in the best way I know how. And I think I'm doing a good job.
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