Phone Call

Over the past two weeks, every few hours or so, I’ve had this weird feeling that I want to call my mom. Maybe it’s because I’m at a new workplace and the last time I started a new job my mom was still alive to listen to me talk about it. Maybe because it’s nearing the three year anniversary of her death, and that’s been on my mind. Maybe it’s because I still really miss her and I’m never going to get over her being gone.

To be honest with you, up until a couple of weeks ago, I was thinking that I was over her death. That while I would never forget about it, it was no longer effecting my daily life.  At least not in any negative way.  I was contemplating ending this blog, with an explanation to all that it had served its purpose. When I started it, I thought a lot about my mom and was sad. And, now, I don’t. And I’m not. But, that’s not the case. I’ve had a relapse, so to speak, and I’m painfully aware of her absence and it’s making me sad again.

So, I’ll continue on with my story. I’ll keep writing my open letter to her. I’ll update everyone in my life on what’s going on. I’ll talk about my family, my daughter, my life, my mom. I hope this relapse is short, because life was really good when I wasn’t always depressed and thinking about my mom and I could focus on everything else. But, now, in addition to all the minutia of regular life, I also have the thoughts of my mom’s death in my head again.

1 comment:

Abbe said...

Grieving is a whacky roller coaster ride.

Over time the dips become less severe but they are still around.

"The attic of your heart" calls you - go, reflect, cry...then remember with a sweet smile as you claim life of the here and now.

It's ok, really ok.

Aunt Abbe