Baby No Name

List of Potential Baby Names

Dana

Dante

Holden

Sebastian

Spencer

Simon

Gianvincent

Rocco

Theodore

Jude

Silas

Dillon

Gabriel

Harrison

Sawyer

Jasper

Greg

Oscar

And there we are. 

My Cup(s) Runneth Over

I have recently embarked on a mission to find a maternity swim suit.  I am during non-pregnancy times what one would consider "well endowed", so you can imagine what the girls look like as they prepare to enter the third trimester.

Seeing as though my only saving grace this summer is the zero gravity feeling a pool provides, my plan is to spend as much time in one as possible.  At first I was thinking of just heading to my nearest fabric store and purchasing enough spandex to cover my car and then just wrapping it around myself. 

Since then, I've decided that perhaps purchasing an actual maternity bathing suit is the way to go.

I have only a few requirements. 

First and foremost is that all naughty bits must be adequately covered.  In addition to the obvious, you can add belly to this category.  (Which, as a 35 year old woman, is quite obvious to me, but apparently there are a lot of pregnant women who don't share this thought.)

I would like some sort of structure...I want the body parts that belong towards the north part of my body to remain north and not sag so low they look like they are resting on my stomach.

I would also prefer the bottom of the suit to include some sort of skirt or shorts.

BLACK.  BLACK.  BLACK.  BLACK.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT BLACK. 

No horizontal stripes.  The fact that I have to include this pisses me off to no end.  I don't wear horizontal stripes in my non-pregnant, thinnest days, so why in the land of all that is good and holy do maternity manufacturers produce clothing with horizontal stripes?  It's like their mocking us.

That's it.  I'll keep you posted.

Quick Update

~Greg got a new job.  His last day at his old job was Sunday, and he took this week off to do yard work in preparation for Leah's birthday party next week.  It's rained every single day.  No yard work has gotten done.

~Leah starts her new school on Monday (provided that I actually sign her up for school.  What?  I'm busy!)  While I am excited for her to be in an honest to goodness school, I want to cry because we are sending her to an honest to goodness school.  With big kids and teachers and lessons and stuff.  She's only a little (3 year old, sassy, smartpants, fiesty) baby!

~Leah third and final birthday party for this year is on the 29th.  There is a LOT to do and not a LOT of time.  I will be freaking out from now until then.  Probably a lot on this blog.

~I joined Weight Watchers.  My sweaters were tight, my rings were tight, my shoes were tight.  Something had to give and it wasn't going to be my pants. 

~I'm going to miss wine.  It's no fun if I have to account for it and stuff.


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Letter Time!

Dear Horizon-

A $70 per month increase on my toddler's health insurance?  Really?  Does this sound like a normal annual increase amount?  TWENTY PERCENT?  Are you sure?  Our waste removal fee went up $5 one year and every senior citizen in Sparta picketed for months outside the post office.  Can you imagine if the increase was $70?  I now need a Xanax every time I open the bill.  MY health insurance is going to go up because of your greedy little ways.  I hope you're happy.



Dear Salerno-Duane Auto Plaza of Newton-

I swear to Hay-Zeus, thinking of you makes my blood boil.  I bought a car from you.  I took it home on the same day I visited just to test drive.  I played your negotiation games.  I agreed to your payment terms.  But when I brought my car in to have leather installed on the seats at 10 a.m. and returned at 8 p.m. to find 1) leather, 2) an empty tank, and 3) 300 miles on the odometer that weren't there that morning, I expected at the very least a SORRY.  Or a HOW CAN I MAKE THAT UP TO YOU?   But what I got was insulting, rude, wrong, and full of BS.  I will be coming to get my license plates soon.  If your attitude hasn't changed by then, I'll be bringing my two year old.  Don't know what that means?  Call the guys over at the Audi dealership and ask them how fun it was when we brought Leah to that visit.  Hope you like your showroom cars "jellied."



Dear JCP&L-

WHY DOES IT COST SO MUCH TO PUT LIGHTS ON??!!!  My god, what the hell, is electricity made of gold?????  Due to your exorbitant rates, I now scream at Greg for leaving things plugged in!  I yell when he leaves the TV on to go to the bathroom!  I wait by Leah's door for her to fall asleep so I can turn off the focacca light she mandates be left on in order to fall asleep at night.  I am a stingy, electric-saving scrooge!  You are turning me into my father!



Dear Wachovia-

I am happy that you got bought out by Wells Fargo.  I am NOT sad to see you go, I WILL help you pack, and I hope the door doesn't hit you on the way out.  It's been several years of horrible service, mistakes on your part that you blamed me for, and a really stupid name.  Good riddance!



**It was bill-paying night.  In case you couldn't tell.  Have a good one!



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33 Months Old

I wish I could freeze frame this age, and have Leah stay here forever.  This, by far, is the best age yet, and I love it so much. 

She talks all the time--can tell us what she wants and what she thinks.  But, she still says words funny; so listening to her non-stop chatter is adorable, because who doesn't think that "Despica-Me", "popcorns", and "Tan I have a tootie?"  are hilarious?

She's super dramatic, and everything that happens is such a big deal.  She throws her hands up in the air or throws her palms to her cheeks with an open mouth when something as harrowing as the cat running by her occurs. 

She cares.  Has a heart of gold.  Tells us we are special.  Hopes that my feet aren't chilly-willy.  Asks me if I'm okay if I bump my knee.

She has interests.  Loves to draw with markers.  Enjoys doing chores, like loading and emptying the dryer and dishwasher.  She's into movies--wants to put the disc in the DVD player herself; wants to press play.  Lives to turn on the vacuum for me.

She's got an awesome memory.  She'll remember her friend Ashlyn's glittery shoes, and why her friend Jackson wasn't at daycare that day.  She can tell you an entire story that occurred while you were at work, complete with dialogue that was spoken.

The tantrums are pretty much non-existent.  She adapts to change better than anyone I know.   Will choose "little bit of chub" over "skinny minnie" when you ask her what she wants to be.  Isn't jealous when Greg and I hold another baby.  Loves to spend time with me on the weekends.  Asks me every night if I have to go to work the next day and loves my answer on Friday nights best. 

Her memory is phenomenal.  Knows when it's Wednesday and she spends the day with my sister.  She loves babies and wants to hold them, kiss them, feed them, cover them, pacify them. 

She's perfect, and this is the perfect age.  We are having so much fun.

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The Resolutions

Gabrielle has been pushing for me to set some resolutions and I haven't really given much thought to them.  They don't normally last that long--never through the whole year--and what's the point of making resolutions if you're only going to drop them the minute your period comes and you need a piece of cheesecake immediately?  Or, you have a bad day, open a bottle of wine, invite some friends over, and wake up the next morning with more empty bottles than people?

Hmm?  What you say?  Only me?  Oh, then let's carry on.

I could very easily sit here and list double digits of specific things that I hope to change or accomplish this year, but I'd rather just look at the big picture.  Rather make some vague large sweeps on what I hope happens this year, so that when we are looking back on this list in December I can persuade you all that what I did is what I meant to do and that I'm not a complete Resolution Failure.

Here we go.

1) Stay active.  Not necessarily through running, although I hope that I pick up running again soon.  I want to move, in as many different ways as I can.  I never want to be still, stale, immobile.  And I don't just want my weekend's activities to consist of cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, and going up and down the steps 56 times to do laundry.  So, this year I will be trying out cross country skiing, continuing with running and zumba, and throwing in some reformer pilates, or, as I like to call it, refinance pilates, because it's a leetle costly.  I'd like to find one more activity, and I have twelve months to do it, so that shouldn't be too tough.

2) Keep focus. No matter what the issue is, or what goal I need to achieve, or what I what to accomplish, I need to remember to focus on the endgame and move towards it.  Not get distracted along the way by trivial things.  Not let the bright lights veer me from my path.  I've often felt that I have a smidge of ADD because it takes me so long to finish a task because I get sidetracked so easily and so often.  I need to remember to do one thing at a time, and to not get frustrated if it takes me a long time, as long as I don't abandon my goal along the way. 

3) Keep on keeping on.  I am okay with me.  I am happy with who I am and where I'm at.  I have bad days and I have good days.  I have moments that I'm not proud of and those that I want to post in the paper.  I see myself dealing with my mother's death so well on some days, and I see myself still feeling like she died yesterday at times.  Things that used to make so sad no longer have that affect on me, and then there are times when I realize that my mother has never met Leah and never will and it stops me dead in my track.  But, I still wake up everyday and get out of bed and take a shower (er, on weekdays, at least) and kiss my kid, and go to work, and make a living, and drive home in traffic and eat dinner with my family and watch Despicable Me 45 times and give my kid a shower and help her brush her teeth and watch The Closer with my husband and go to bed and do it all over again the next day.  I'm me and I like me and I'm dealing with life in the best way I know how.  And I think I'm doing a good job.


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So, I didn't mean to take a break from the blog; it just happened.  But, you didn't miss much. 

Let's bullet it, shall we?

1) On Sunday, I went into NYC with some girlfriends and saw Promises, Promises.  It was, meh.  It stars Sean Hayes and Kristen Chenoweth and Molly Shannon has a bit part, too.  I didn't hate it, but I feel that it might have been a little, er, overrated, perhaps.  I don't think it had a substantial plot, the music was not enjoyable, and I feel the show is leaning on its two main actors and their reputation, rather than content.  If Sean and Kristen left Broadway tomorrow, so would Promises, Promises.  That's how I feel.

2) Christmas is very near, and I am still lacking a few gifts.  It's not that I don't know what to purchase, I just don't have a lot of time.  I need a half a day, at most, to finish shopping and wrapping, and I'll feel a lot better.

3) My Christmas cards may not be reaching my house until December 23rd and in that case, they are probably not going to get to your house until after Christmas.  We all just have to deal with this.

4) I bought a 10-day pass to the Sparta Athletic Club where I will be taking zumba on Wednesday nights with my friend Gabrielle.  The class is hard; the instructor is easy on the eyes.  This will help.

5) Leah now sleeps in a twin bed like a pro.  No issues, no problems.  I did expect this, but it's still hard to deal when the fact that she is no longer a baby is thrown in my face.  She likes to talk on the phone with people; she enjoys rolling up her sleeves and washing dishes; she tells me when I do things wrong.  (Aw, just like her dad.)  She's a full blown kid.  Oh, and she's sort of a big deal.  She told me.  

That's really all I've got.  I'll try to not take any more extended breaks.  I like writing here.  I just also like sleeping and eating. 

Duh to the eating one--I'm sure that's evidently clear.
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Let Me Clarify

So, I think that I might have portrayed myself as slightly agitated last week.  You post one little list of things that suck and before you know it, your friends are afraid to answer your calls, your sister won't look you in the eye, and your husband is planning an Anger Intervention. 

Yes, I might have been having a rough week, but I didn't mean to come off as an outraged, bitter hag.  And I'm afraid that people are going to caese inviting me to their homes for fear that I'll judge their clutter.  Fear not, friends, I am not judging your clutter.  I didn't write that list about your clutter.   I wrote it about the clutter of strangers.  Honestly, I apologize for judging and for admitting that I judge and if I could take one thing off the list it would be the sentence about how I'm judging your clutter.  I'm not.  Believe me.  For real.  I'm too busy sneaking a glance in your medicine cabinet.  See!  Not seeing your clutter!  Seeing your Advil!

But, I think the one thing that I mentioned on the list that struck a chord with most people was, well, it was obviously the one that spoke of my hatred of John Lithgow.

hehe.

No, it was the one about having another child.  Listen, asking me and Greg if we want more children is fine.  Questioning us on if we are thinking of having other kids is acceptable.  Telling us how life changed when you went from one to two, or four to five or whatever, is cool.  Giving advice on how you think having more than one child is beneficial is a-ok.

Telling me that I am wrong when I say I have one child right now and that's how I like it is unacceptable.  And I shouldn't have to apologize for that. 

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A List of Things That Suck

1) Stores that expect you to bring your cart back to the cart area after you've emptied your bags into your trunk.  It's like if you came to my job in the hopes of getting some solar panels on your home and I asked you to do my filing too.  Oh,  you'd like to get an alternate form of energy?  Ok, here, answer my email.

1a) Stores that you have to put a quarter in the cart in order to unlock it and use it.  They think this is some clever way of getting you to return your cart to the cart area once you're done.  No, this is just one more thing for me to worry about the entire ride to the store, because I can't remember if I used my last quarter and I start panicking and looking around the car for a quarter and I break into a sweat.  I have a long food shopping trip to get through and I am starting off with a nice panicked drive to the store.  Jeez!  Shop Rite!!  You suck!!

2) People who purposely pull into a lane that they know is going to eventually merge into the same lane they just came from but is moving (slightly) faster.  Oh, wow, you just went a whole four car lengths ahead.  Oh!  And now you're cutting back in front of me!  You are so clever.  If clever means a jerk.

3) People who continually lie despite the fact that their lies are ridiculously unbelievable.  Please just stop.  You don't own a lot of real estate but keep your job at the plant just for fun.  Or, you.  You didn't hang out with NeNe last month in Atlanta. 

4) John Lithgow.

5) Clutter.  Oh, and I guess I should just come clean.  I not only dislike clutter in my house, but I dislike clutter in yours too.  I know I said that I don't mind it in your house, but that might not be true.  I'M SORRY!

6) Scooping kitty litter.  This, like John Lithgow, needs no explanation.

7) When people tell me to have another kid.  I'm going to break this one down.  Here's the thing:  the fact that I don't have an additional child means either 1) I don't want another child, or 2) I can't have another child.  Either one of those situations appear to be none of your business.  So, why keep telling me what to do?  If my case is number 1, then please realize I have my (private) reasons and it's rude to tell another adult what to do, and if my case is number 2, please realize how insensitive and hurtful your statement may be.

8) Laundry.  Mother-effing laundry. 
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Some Hypotheticals...

Some of us wake up at ye ole' butt crack and get dressed in the dark so as not to wake up our husbands.  What we really don't need is for our new shirt to have, not only a tag, but a sticker, an XL sticker, that isn't noticed until 9 hours later in our work bathroom mirror.  Oh, gee, has this enormous extra-large sticker been on my back all day?  Wow.  Thanks, Kohls. 

Some people think that, because they want peanut butter on their cracker immediately-right-this-minute-not-a-minute-later, it's totally acceptable to scream at their mom in her face and expect that cracker, with peanut butter-don't-you-dare-forget-that-lady, post haste.  Those people would be wrong.  Very, very wrong.  Those people also find themselves in bed a half hour early.

Some husbands think that, after spending their day off tending to their daughter, retreating to the couch the second their wife gets home from work and not moving from that position for the rest of the night, thereby leaving their wife to clean up dinner, the house, and the kid alone, after she left the house 11 hours previously to go and work all day at her job, is going to be received well.  The husbands that do that don't get lucky...not that it matters, since they've been sleeping on the couch since 6:30 p.m. anyway. 

Some women cannot get into their heads that they are only one person and find themselves overbooking their weekends to the point that bathroom breaks are going to be a tight squeeze.  I have to sit down and write out a game plan for tomorrow in order to fit in everything that I need to do.  I never learn.   Luckily I don't have to put out tonight.

Have a good one, folks.  Cheers!
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Update!

Dance Class

We were asked to attend another class this past Saturday, one with three year olds in it.  FIVE three year olds.  So, we gathered our leg warmers (despite it being approximately 80 degrees at 9:30 a.m. on Saturday--what can I say?  I am raising a fellow Slave To Fashion.) and we arrived ...

...to a class with one other two and a half year old who was there for the first time. ONE!  Class didn't go well.  The other little girl (who was such a trooper, I must mention) could not hold Leah's attention, and two minutes after class began, Leah was at the door banging to get out. 

We are told there's one more "actively-attended" class that we are going to try next week.  If that doesn't work out, ART CLASS it is.


Running

Blech.  I don't want to talk about it.  I've been sick and busy, so my running has suffered. And so has my butt.


Health

We are a sick household.  I've got a cold that will not die and now Greg and Leah are under the weather, too.  I may not be coming across as my normal, cheery self in this post, and this is why .  Today I had to be cleared by Pathmark security due to amount of NyQuil-related products I was purchasing. 

Greg's Birthday

Greg turned 35 on the 24th and we had dinner out together.  Alone.  By ourselves.  Sans kid.  Which was really friggen nice.  Thanks, Gab!


Fall

...is upon us!  As soon as stops being so darn hot!  I love the Fall: my birthday, apple and pumpkin picking, sweaters, Halloween!  I'm also excited for it to stop sweating under my boobies.

I'm sorry...was that too much information?
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Life, in list form

1) We are moving right along w/r/t potty training. Over the weekend we had a couple of very good days, so underpants were purchased. And then Tuesday was not a good day, and so now three pairs of Tinkerbell underpants are sadly sitting on top of the laundry pile. We are firmly in that “must have diapers, pull ups, underpants, wipes, and toilet paper ready at every given moment stage.” This is not really a fun stage, huh?

2) We are gearing up for a trip to Myrtle Beach. Greg’s parents live there so we're going for a visit. Traveling makes me nervous to begin with, and traveling with a toddler makes me psychopathic. Even though we are not vacationing in the Congo, I have this feeling that if I forget to pack something very important there is no way we will be able to get it once we are at our destination. Which is bananas, I know, but I can’t help it. As a result I have made 14 lists of things that I need to bring. My lists of necessary items take up more room than said items.

3) Someone needs to tell my face that it’s not perched upon the neck of a 14 year old. Adult acne, like potty training, is not a fun stage.

4) I have two weddings to attend this weekend. Which means that I will be spending more time in Spanx than I really prefer to. This also means that at some point I must get thee to a pedicurist.

5) I don't know what happened to the layout on the blog.  Apparently, it's disappeared.  Seeing as it took me approximately 3 months to get the former layout on the blog, I don't think that you should hold your breath that I'll be able to get a new one on here post haste.  Hope you like green.
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